Then she started screaming and crying at the top of her lungs and kicking, mimicking me. And that’s when I realized, oh shit…

I remember the day I became a single mom. I had moved across the country with my daughter’s father because he had a new job. There I was, in a new town, no family, no friends, no career, no money, no life plan.

This was a huge change for me, because I was Ms. 4.0, Ms. pre-med, Ms. meant-to-change-the-world. Yet there I was, and I felt so deeply and utterly stuck.

I remember the day I became a single mom because my 7-month-old daughter had food poisoning. She threw up 11 times and I, once again alone caring for her, was in the middle of a panic session. I was sleep deprived, lonely, and going through the motions of being a mother. Although never officially diagnosed at the time because I did not have health insurance, I now understand that I was going through postpartum depression.

I rushed her to the emergency room where they examined her, and we sat in the cold exam room - still alone. Calls to her father, his family, his coworkers, his friends were left unanswered for hours. The doctor eventually sent us home without any medication, just told me that she had probably vomited it all out and to make sure I hydrated her.

I came home to an empty house - yep, still alone. Exhausted, I laid down in my bed with my daughter. She was more exhausted than I was, in a daze, and in and out of sleep from all the throwing up.

I started to doze off to sleep for a few minutes when all of a sudden - SHE. THREW. UP. AGAIN. All over herself, my face, our clothes. And I hit my breaking point - I LOST IT!

I started screaming, and crying, and cursing out the air while cleaning her. I had hit a wall, I was sad, I was tired, I was in a relationship but always alone - it was so unfair. I cried louder and then, all of a sudden, my daughter came out of her daze. She woke up and she stared in my eyes. And for a millisecond, the world stood still.

Then she started screaming and crying at the top of her lungs and kicking, mimicking me. And that’s when I realized, oh shit. This was not just a little baby. This was MY little baby. And she was watching me. My actions, my mannerisms, my choice of environment for her, would shape her long after I was gone.

So I made the decision then and there that it would be a cold day in hell before she saw my current relationship and life situation and thought that those were something to aspire to.

Did I make the right choice?

Two and a half years later, she walked with me, hand-in-hand across the graduation stage as I received a dual Masters degree in Business and Science. She gave the President of the University a huge hug on stage, and when we got back to my seat she said, “Mommy, I want to graduate like you one day.”

-Saraiyah, mother of 1